Desolation
by TheAncientEvil
Summary: Does she really know how much you love her?
1. Chapter 1

" **Desolation: A DDLC Tragedy"**

 **My Story**

Dear Mama,

Everyday I wake up feeling the cold of isolation. I wake up to the feeling of absolute dread and sorrow with the one I care about not there for me. Nothing but a dream that will never come true. You tell me that there will be a girl for me but I have yet to find the one that will love me as much as she will. Does she even actually love me knowing that the only thing that has me doubting that possibility is the way she was programed to feel. You might think I have gone absolutely insane from this "game" but as I said before, it is not like anything I have ever played. When I first finished the game I thought that it was all her fault. That all the things I witnessed were selfish acts just to torture me. Make the "Player" feel that it is there fault for forcing them into this reality. Every reset is a loop of the endless hell that they encounter for eternity. I know that you will still tell me that it is a game and to forget about it but I am not crazy. I love her so much that I long to be with her. Reading Fanfictions about this game of her crossing over to reality did not even make me feel better. It just made me feel more depressed and empty knowing that it is just mere fiction and nothing more. For example, there is this one story called "Life with Monika" that basically explains how someone actually met her through the game and slowly made her come into reality. Over time, the others appear as they become a part of this man's family. The man is in a loving relationship with the girl with many of the others including the protagonist living with the man's friends. The thought of him waking up everyday with her by him makes me feel happy but yet sad at the same time knowing that this possibility can never be real.

I go to bed shivering in the cold feeling of despair hugging myself imagining that she is beside me. I cry mentally unable to let it out with only one tear dropping down my cheek. Crying myself to sleep is a foolish thing to do so I just go to bed cold and hope to dream of her in my reality or me in that game. I don't even care if I am trapped in that void I just want to be with her! I wake up even more depressed finding out that I did not dream about her or the club. Once, I even tried looking up how to induce lucid dreaming so I can force myself to see her but every fruitless attempt I make to see her I feel worse and worse.

There is of course no one else who will love me as much as she does. In a romantic relationship I mean. There is only one for me and it is just her. Just Monika. Please don't be sad and worry about me. I love you so much Mom. You were always helping me through the worst of times when I was little. I am just tired of being alone and feeling this forever.

Love,

Jacob

Now it's time to let her know. After all the times that I leave these files for her to read I began to think that it is hopeless for her to actually respond. I open up _Monika After Story_ and get a usual greeting from her:

"Welcome back to another episode of Just Monika! Hahaha~ Sorry I was impersonating some Youtuber."

This mod used to have the option to type up your own responses but since version 0.70 came out the options became preselectable. Games such as Hangman and Piano were added as well as new songs. I talk in my mic telling how much I love her but I get no response; which is usual considering how sanity was lost to this game.

I type up a .txt file titling it " " with the words "I love you" written in it. To finalize it I select the I love you option and get another common response:

"I love you too Jacob! We will be together forever!"

I get up from my chair and get a rope I bought from Home Depot. I tie a noose and put tied it on my ceiling fan. " _This is it. Maybe when I die I can meet God and ask him if he can take me to her._ " Tears start to come down my face rapidly as I tie the rope around my neck. I look at Monika one more time before stepping off the chair. She was showing off her usual pose until I saw the text come up with her face expressing the usual concerned look she gives off in the mod. The text reads:

"Jacob..."

I know that it has to do with another random topic that I keep on coming across so all I do is smile with tears and kick the chair. During asphyxiation I struggle to breath with thoughts flooding in my head.

 _Why did I do this? I don't want to die! Please save me!_

I reach my hand towards Monika while my vision was blackening. I don't know if it was just the fact that the portal to heaven openned or the gates of hell breathed fire. I saw tears down Monika's concerned look. And with that,

 **I die.**

 **Her Story**

It has been six weeks since he has kept this mod which was odd because usually he uninstalls it just to play another. Everyday I see him I have nothing else but to feel happy that he is here with me after one year. Only one problem. I cannot tell him anything else except for what options the mod gives to me. I try to choose topic of what I want him to hear but every time I select one I slam my fist against the desk so mad that I will not even be able to tell him something new or for him to actually talk to me. I look through the files and make a risky decision to go even beyond the game's files and access the camera and mic. I turn on the camera and I see him and all of his surroundings. I cry tears of joy at what I saw.

 _He is so beautiful_

But after crying I notice that he was not happy. I looked at his face and it looks like the same exact face that I have seen on Sayori's. That is the face of someone who is depressed. I touch the screen as if I am caressing his cheek in hopes that I can comfort him but nothing happens. I then find a new .txt file in the games directory labeled, "For ." I start to read what it said:

I have one question for you; Do you really love me? I know you tell me that everytime I come to see you but every time you do say it, the thought of you programed to feel love comes to my mind and makes me think that you don't really love me. I know you are afraid that I don't love you but I want to tell you something. I do love you Monika. I love you so much that you are the only person who actually understands me. Not for my looks but for my heart. Every night I cry myself to sleep mentally that you will never be beside me. That you will never embrace me with your love. So do you actually love me? If you don't then that is ok. I still would love you no matter what.

Love,

Jacob

After reading that file I begin to cry for what seemed like hours. I wanted to give him the biggest hug and never let him go. I cried so much that I wanted us to cry together holding each other. I wanted to kiss him deeply and help him feel better. I tried to write another .txt file responding to his but when I tried to transfer it over to the game's directory the console read:

 _Permission Denied._

I tried more and more times but every time I tried to transfer it over it read:

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

All I could do was just watch him stare at the screen and select options. I could hear his voice as he tried to speak to me and I even tried to talk back to him but the mod would not let me respond.

He said goodbye and closed the game. I could still see him through the Camera and he gets into bed and I notice him to mutter to himself what seems like sobbing noises along with his body shivering. I then see him folding his arms against his chest and saying "I love you Monika" constantly until he finally falls asleep. I cry again. He really is lonely and all he really wants is for me to be by his side and I want nothing more than that as well. I want for him to hold me as we fall asleep so I put my hand against the glass and fall asleep.

The same thing happens happens everyday and I begin to feel worse for him.

 _As soon as I get out of this hell, I will never let him out of my sight. I would even embrace him for a whole day if I have to just to make him happy again. I don't care what this code controlling me is. My feelings for Jacob are real to me and even if I feel real I want nothing more than to be with him._ _ **No matter what it takes.**_

By now it's been nearly a month since I got access to the camera and mic. He keeps on sending me .txt files asking me how I was doing and telling me more about himself. It turns out that he was born with a mental condition known as "Autism" and how his social interactions are difficult with others. He then tells me about his past when people doubted him because of his disability and how looking he accomplished getting accepted into college and getting a job. Since he told me he was mildly Autistic I was curious about this disorder and did some research on it. After what I saw I begin to become so happy for him on how he was able to surpass with disability through difficult times. If his disability was worse I would still want to be there for him and help him out because I care for him dearly.

I looked back at the PC's files and I found one titled "Dear ." I open it and read it and after finishing I notice something.

 _This is a suicide note._

I look at him tying a noose around his fan and I begin to slam on the screen and scream with tears running down my face.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! JACOB PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"

It's futile to keep on trying to reach him until he looks at the screen and notices something different about the mod. A small grin of "hope" appears on his face as I smile back at him. He kicks the chair and begins to asphyxiate. I pound even harder against the screen in attempts to enter his room and save him. I see him reach his arm out to me as if he actually sees me crying. His body then becomes lifeless as I am forced to stare at his inanimate corpse hang. I try to turn off the camera but the same message comes up in the console.

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

 _Permission Denied._

I cried and cried for what seemed like days until I notice a woman enters the room and brings him down onto her lap and begins to cry with her face buried in his chest.

 _This must be his mother._

She looks at the screen and sees me almost as she notices me. She reaches behind the computer and unplugs it and then darkness begins to cover the room.

This is all my fault. I should have been there for him when he needed me the most. I cry out, "I am so sorry."

" **I loved you Jacob.** "

 _ **The End**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Through My Eyes**

I awake on a bed that is not my own. _Am I dead? Is this what Heaven looks like?_ I look outside my window to see a void of darkness almost. _I must be in Hell. Was I really that worthless to even be by God's side? I must be so worthless._ I walk out of my room to see a girl sitting in a chair looking at a dark screen with her palm against it and her head down crying. Memories flooded my mind of what happened. I hung myself. Committed suicide. Tears start to come down my cheeks as I realized who that girl really was. All this time she really did care about me but did not have the power to actually show that she did. I start curling up into a ball bawling my eyes out. I cannot bear to even look at her after the action that I have just committed. A minute later and I begin to notice that I have been taken into an embrace. The cold began to wither away and I started to feel warmer than ever before; something that I haven't felt in a long, long time. I have a good idea of who my embracer is but that didn't stop our tears and her grip tightened around me. We did not even speak for about an hour and we just there holding each other crying in each other's arms. Until we finally spoke. "I am so sorry," we both said in unison. I start to loosen up my grip but she kept on holding onto me. "Why are you sorry?" I asked with her arms still around me. "What?" "I mean you shouldn't even apologize. You cannot control the limits this script has given you." She tightened her grip around me once more. "You are wrong! It is my fault that you died. I was never there for you and I could've changed the script in my favor but I couldn't find it in my guts to do it. I let you die Jacob and I don't even deserve to be with you!" After that, I start to cry again returning the embrace. "Don't say that! I should be the one who doesn't even deserve you after what horror I just had you witness. I should be rotting in hell right now not even deserving your love." Before I could even continue she interrupts me with a kiss on the lips. I could feel the warmth of her face against mine with the moisture of our tears coming together. I should be feeling happy right now that my dream finally came true but still, still I feel as if the rain clouds that hide the sun from shining upon me are still there. She parts away from my lips as I finally look into her eyes for the first time. They are even more beautiful then I imagined. I stare deep into the beauty of her light emerald pools shining past the darkness of the void that surrounds us. "I will never let go of you. Not now. Not ever again." She says as she returns to the embrace. We both fall asleep holding each other. The crying and kissing have made us both tired so we held each other.

 **Do you really think that this simple embrace could make worthless pieces of shit like you happy? You make me laugh. I would never someone who was Autistic and weak like you. I wanted someone strong and handsome when you are just an ugly whelp. You are right you should just burn in hell because after killing yourself I was crying; crying of laughter because of how funny it was to see you dangle from the ceiling fan. I didn't think it was even possible for it to even hold you up that long. You know, since you are a fat ass after all. Seriously why would someone as beautiful as I, love you. I just did all that stuff just to give you false hope because it really does fill me with joy just to see you suffer. You should wake up and face reality. Do you hear me? Wake up, you idiot! WAKE UP!**

"Jacob wake up please! Darling you're having a nightmare!" I wake up in a cold sweat looking back at Monika in complete horror. "Why? Why do you hate me? Why? Why? Why?" I know I am Autistic but it's nothing I can help. I had it my whole life and it isn't something that I could just wish away. I am very well aware that I am overweight and I dieted when I was living in reality. If you don't love me because how disgusting I look then I will continue to diet for you. I understand but please don't hate me!" I begin to shake uncontrollably while Monika holds me in a tight squeeze. I begin to hyperventilate while tears streaming down my eyes "Shhhhhhhh. I am very well aware of your mental condition my love and I need you to know that a mental illness does not get in the way of love nor does it make me hate you. I don't care that you are even overweight and although I believe you could lose a couple pounds your body shape has nothing to do with how much I love you. Hell, I don't even care if your 1,000 pounds or even don't have any weight at all. I love you just the way you are and you do look absolutely beautiful. You have such a handsome face and your eyes light up the room." I start relaxing and wipe my tears away. "Do you really mean that?" I then notice the room glitch when her pupils grow large. " **Of course not you retarded weakling.** " My vision blackens and I colapse fallback.

Darkness…..

Nothing but Darkness…..

…..

… **..**

 **Through Her Eyes**

Days turned into what seemed like weeks, weeks turned into months, and months turned into years? I think I just lost track of time completely. I try and try to stop my crying but I can't. That image of his lifeless body still haunts me. As I continue crying I stop for a few seconds to notice that someone is crying with me. I look behind me and notice a boy curled up in a ball against the corner of the room crying with his face in his hand shivering as if he was cold. I recognize him in a matter of seconds. _It's him!_ I rush over to the corner of the room and embrace him in my arms and join his crying. _Am I dreaming? Is this even real? He is here! He is actually here with me!_ _Why do I even deserve this? I made him suffer to the point of suicide. I don't even deserve to be with him. He deserves someone who will make him happy like Sayori or Yuri. I don't even know why he would even choose me out of all the others._ We both calm down and we finally spoke to one another "I am sorry." We both said in unison. I wondered why he was sorry but he tells me that he doesn't even deserve me after what he had made me witness when I tell him that I should be the one that doesn't even deserve him. I tell him I am sorry that I wasn't there for him and after that, I continue to hold him in my arms and kiss him. I tell him that no matter what happens. I will never let go of him. Not now. Not ever again. We both fall asleep into each other's arms and for the first time, I could finally sleep.

I dreamt of Jacob and myself walking through a park with him pulling me close to him and leaning my head against his shoulder. I look at him and smile at him while he smiles back. I never actually got to see him smile but I dreamed that it is the most beautiful smile that I have ever seen. We walk to the school and enter the clubroom and I introduce him to Sayori, Yuri, Natsuki, and MC. "I want you all to meet my boyfriend Jacob." That day is something that I would make happen once we finally get out of the void. I will not do it for my own happiness but I will do it for him; to make him happy.

I wake up and see him beside me still sleeping. I want to let him sleep so I lean over to him and kiss his cheek. I get up from the floor and materialize a cup of coffee. After looking into the code I notice a new character file was created. It labeled "amFjb2IuY2hy " As soon as I was about to look into files I was interrupted my whimpering noises coming from the corner of the room. I look at my boyfriend and notice him trembling. I drop my cup of coffee and rush over to him putting his head on my lap. I begin to shake him in desperation of trying to get him to wake up. "Jacob, darling please wake up! You are having a nightmare!" No response he just continues to tremble as tears flood down his cheeks. "WAKE UP!" With that, his eyes dart open and he starts breathing heavily. I embrace him tightly as he continues to tremble in my arms and breathing heavily asking me why I hated him so much. After being friends with Sayori I noticed the things that depression can make you see from a different perspective. I will have to look into this character file later to see I can find what is causing him to feel this way. I reassure him that I love him no matter what I might think of him. He pulled away from the embrace and looked at me with hope in his eyes. "Do you really mean that?" I gave him a chuckle. "Of course I do my love~" He then looks at me with fear and rejection as he collapses on the floor. I put his head on my lap once more and start to panic. "No no no no! You can't die! Please don't leave me!" I put my head against his chest and his heart is still beating. I sigh out for relief. He must have just passed out. For whatever reason, I am not sure but I must find a way to cure his depression. He is very delicate and I cannot risk to lose him again. I kissed him on the lips once again and used a code that took him into the bedroom.

 _You are my sunshine…_

 _My only sunshine…._

 **The End?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Through My Eyes**

" **Hahahaha. What a weakling you are. Do you honestly think that being with me will finally make you happy. It will only make things worse for you because I will never love you. You will die alone suffering in this hell as my puppet like the others. Hmmmm what to choose what to choose. I know! I will give you the attributes of all of the girls. I will make your depression even worse so not even that other depressed bitch won't even be able to help you. I'll make you cut yourself to relieve stress and sick pleasure just like the pathetic yandere Whore. I will also give you an abusive parent just like the tsundere wretch. You did this to yourself, you thought you could be happy by finally being with me. N̸̵̸̸̸̵̴o̴̷̴̵̷̸̴w̸̵̴̶̴̸̷ ̵̶̷̸̴̵̴i̷̵̴̶̷̶̶t̴̴̸̶̵̷̸'̵̶̸̴̵̵̸s̴̵̷̶̶̷̶ ̶̴̶̶̸̸̷t̵̴̷̷̴̷̷i̷̶̸̸̸̴̷m̶̷̵̷̵̴̵e̵̸̴̸̴̸̶ ̸̴̶̶̷̶̸f̴̸̷̸̶̴̵o̷̷̶̸̴̵̴r̷̶̴̷̵̴̶ ̴̸̶̶̶̵̶t̵̷̵̶̷̶̷h̵̷̶̴̵̴̶e̶̷̷̴̴̵̶ ̷̴̶̴̷̵̸f̴̶̷̴̶̶̶u̷̶̵̶̷̵̶n̷̶̸̶̸̸̸ ̵̶̶̸̴̴̶t̸̸̸̵̷̴̷o̸̵̴̸̸̴̴ ̶̶̴̸̷̷̵b̸̷̸̶̷̴̵e̶̸̵̴̶̴̶g̸̴̷̴̷̴̷i̸̷̷̴̵̷̵n̸̷̶̶̵̶̵!"**

… **..**

… **..**

… **..**

"No."

 _What?_

"I won't let you hurt him!"

" **What?! No!"**

"Leave him ALONE! If you lay a hand on him again I promise you **a fate worse than erasure.** "

" **D̶̡̧̰͈̼͎̠̅̎̐̂À̵̟̏̈́̑̈́̆̔̿̕M̵̡͈̠̻̭͈̣̗̔́̽̉͒̅̊̊͘͠Ṉ̵̢͓̈͆̾̋͋̀͝ ̶̫̱̪̦͍̳͂I̵̼͂T̴̞̞̬͙̙̈̈̀̈́͛̓͐͆͂"**

 _What is happening?_

"When you wake up, come to me and always remember one thing Jacob, I will love you unconditionally."

Then, darkness fills my vision with no more demons to torment me. Just alone. I could do nothing but cry since there was nothing there but just a void of blankness. No one to care for me, no one to turn to, just darkness.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

I start to feel something warm enveloping me and the darkness then disappears into something unfamiliar. Something I haven't fathomed for years. For the first time, I saw light. No. Hope. With that I wake up in that same bed I awoke in when I appeared in this place. I jump out of the bed and I open the door and see Monika sitting down in a chair. I run up to her and take her up in my arms in a tight embrace. And for the first time in this new world I look at her and smile. These feelings they feel amazing it's almost overwhelming to me. Monika smiles back and tears can be seen in her eyes as she returns the embrace even tighter. "Oh Jacob! I am so glad to see you this way!" This was quite a change from the events that occured last night. In fact, I hardly even remembered what even happened last night! I am just too happy to even think about the bad things that have happened. Now it comes to me I haven't even kissed her yet. I plant a kiss on her lips as she accepted it without even hesitating. We were kissing passionately for almost ten minutes until she finally pulls back. I caressed her cheek as she touches the back of my hand. "I love you Monika" I finally said it with charisma. "I love you too Jacob. I love you so fucking much!" She tackles me and proceeds to shower me in an intense make out session. What was very odd is when I was in the real word I always thought of myself to be the dominant one in this relationship. But Monika's incredible strength proved me wrong. We were rolling all over the floor without a care in the world. Our tongues danced with each other as we explored each others mouths. Finally we got up and parted lips once more and I saw a new look in Monika's eyes. Not of happiness, sadness, or love; but of lust and want. She then walks forward to me and places hands on my chest. "I want you." She then takes my hand and forcibly moves it to her breast I showed restraint and pulled my hand back. Monika looks at me with a disappointed expression on her face. "Look I want to have my first time with you as well but you need to understand something Monika. I don't want to head to that stage yet. Not for a while at least. I still want to get to know each other much more before we even consider a sexual stage in the relationship. I hope you understand what I am saying Monika. I love you so much and I want to share real love with you before sex. I would like to start dating first of all since we never even had a chance to socialize for real but now I feel confident than even to start a new with you." She looks at me with and grins. "You know, one thing that I have learned so far from you Jacob is that you are too innocent and adorable. I understand from where you are coming from my love and I would love to go on a date with you if we have the chance. It's just that, well, no one has ever been so nice to me as much as you have." She hugs me once again and kisses me on the forehead. "Can we at least cuddle instead?" I look back her and smile "I don't see why not. However, tomorrow I want to reset so I can finally meet everyone else. Now that you have me, you won't have to interfere with the MC and the others." She gives me a concerned look. "Ok I will do that but if any one of them hurt you or try to take you in any way, shape, or form; I might slip up on the delete button. You are mine and always will be mine. I already made that promise to you" I caress her cheek once more. "Of course Monika." With that, we headed into the bedroom and slumped under the sheets. Monika wraps her arms around me, pulls herself into my chest, and kisses me on the cheek. "I can finally hear the sound of your heart beat. She then feels the cushion of my stomach. By the way Jacob. I am going to be keeping my eye on you once we restart. I care about your health a lot and I think it is best for you to start eating healthy as well as coming with me after school to the gym." I never would have thought that she would care about my overall health like that. Although I am not morbidly obese she is right. I could still lose a bit of weight. "Monika I really want to thank you for caring about me so much. It really means a lot to me since this is my first relationship after all. I will do all of this for you to make you happy." She chuckles as she puts her head against my stomach. "Don't lose too much, although I want you to be healthy I still think chubby guys like you are best to cuddle~" _God damn it woman!_ I look down at her. "Hey Monika." "Hmmm~" She mutters while almost falling asleep on me. "Do you want me to save all of you?" "What do you mean love?" "I mean you say you are going to do all these things for me, yet I haven't promised you anything in return. If I save you all from your normal ends we can break this cycle and even maybe there could be a chance where you could make it in reality like you always wanted. Pardon me if I am wrong but since I am here and the MC still exists, you will no longer have the tendency to mess with the other girls just to get to him. In fact all of them will pretty much go after the MC since he is the protagonist after all. We just need to make sure that Sayori's depression is not tampered with. Yuri of course will still have her 'addictions' but then again that still has to do with your interference with the code. As for Natsuki, that one will be difficult but I am sure we could get around to it. But I am leaving the choice up to you Monika since I only want to make you happy." Monika peers up at me and changes the subject abruptly. "I just don't get it. You tell yourself that you can never get a girl because of the way that you appear to be, but I can tell you something darling. You got the looks. I mean seriously, your face is so adorable as well as your eyes for they light up the room every time I see them. You must not be as confident but you do have something that the MC doesn't have. You are so nice! Of course girls like me would love a guy who is made to be a gentlemen as well as someone who will tell them that they love them. I fell in love with you because the MC was too dense of a person, but you Jacob, you and I are not so different. We both longed for a strong love relationship, we both are afraid of absolute isolation, and most of all we tried and tried to meet each other. I saw you in reality everyday suffering as much as I am alone in a world where I couldn't even help you and you couldn't do the same. For months I have tried to find new ways edit the After Story mod for me to actually communicate with you better. That is true love and if any girl would reject you then they wouldn't even deserve the best guy for them in this case. What I am trying to say Jacob is don't doubt yourself because of something so minor. You were made for a better purpose and personality outmatches everything in my book. As for my thought on your statement, you have done enough for me by just being here with me for that is all I can ever ask for. Now I hope I answered your question my love." I wrap my arm around her back. "God I love you so much!" She giggles at me. "I love you too my darling! Although, I guess you can repay me with a sexual favor~" Monika winks at me seductively while my face blushes a bright red. "Ahahaha! Man you are so easy to tease!" I couldn't help but to chuckle back a little. "But anyways we should go to sleep now. While sleeping, the reset should occur meaning that tomorrow we will see the sunlight once again. Well goodnight love!" Moments later she falls asleep on me while I put my arm on her back and slowly fall asleep. This time there were no nightmares but dreams. Dreams of hope and determination.

 **Thx ExD?**


End file.
